PAANO?

Paano mo pupunan kung sadyang 
malalim at malaki ang puwang 
na naiwan? 

Paanong magsisimulang muli? 
Paano muling ngingiti?

Paano muling sisigla
kung ang saya sa
iyong mga mata ay 
'di na kailan man makikita?

Paanong muling sasayaw?
Paano muling kakanta?

Paano mo muling masasabi 
na kay ganda ng umaga?

Kung ang tanging pag-aalayan
ng pagsinta ay
wala na?

THE CROSS OVER CHALLENGE

Crossing over is not the end of the line in your service. It is not something that should be avoided, nor something to be afraid of. It's not something to be considered as boring, nor something to be viewed as a promotion. When you cross over, it doesn't mean you will lose all the fun that you had serving in your youth. No, you should not look at it that way. As a matter of fact, that's where all the fun begins. That's where you will truly appreciate the meaning of brotherhood and sisterhood. This is where you will truly discover yourself, and realize how important it is to apply HUMILITY, PATIENCE and RESPECT at all times. Again, at all times (and I'm still a work in progress on this aspect). It serves as a true test of your character and a real struggle to fully embrace the culture that is so much different, in so many levels, from the community you enjoyed serving for many years.

Crossing over is a way to deepen your faith. It is a path for greater maturity. It is where your spirit can grow more. It is a battle between your desires and His desires. It's a life of continuous discernment. It is an opportunity to inspire others and work on magnifying the vision of every single man and woman all over the world experiencing the ultimate love and compassion of our Savior, share what it feels like to love and be loved by Him and be like Him to everyone else.

I had a lot of fun in my youth. I first heard His call when I was younger. And I can say I have reached the ultimate joy of serving Him while I was in that youthful community. But I've never had imagined I'd see, taste and experience more when I crossed over 5 years ago.

It is true that when you say YES, "you will see greater things than this." Your YES may be a YES with reservations, with doubts, with lots of negative vibes and concerns. But didn't the Lord promise you that you just need to be still? That He will fight for you? Didn't he assure you that all good things will come to those who continue to serve Him in His purpose?

My younger sibs, the adjustment will never come easy. The detachment will take some time. I hope that when the call of a higher service come upon you, you'll respond with a resounding YES. A YES that is full of conviction. I challenge you. I will pray with you. And we will all wait for you.

I DECLARE ^____^

I happen to see this while browsing the Notes section of my mobile phone. These were the thoughts in my head the day after we had an SFC sisters' pajama party last year in our chapter. We were asked to think of something that we want to declare for year 2015. And I declared, LOVE. :-)

December 26, 2014

People may continue to tease me because of my "old-fashioned" beliefs and "numerous ideologies" about love, but I know I don't have to rush and settle for less. I believe that you'll find me in the most unexpected time, you'll probably see me in my most unglamorous look... 

But then, the point is, YOU WILL FIND ME, and you will find me in His most perfect time. 

And when that happens, that moment will be filled with joyful melodies and time will be at a standstill. You'll look into me, deep inside me, and you'll see that this heart has been made to beat opposite yours. That I'm meant to rock your world and take your sorrows away. I believe that your love will make me fear nothing and want me to do anything. In time, you will read this. In time, you'd know that the most wonderful love story of our lives will only begin when you've already found me. 

And YOU WILL FIND ME. 

And I'll just be here, waiting while continuously running the race and serving the One who will make all these things possible. 

YOU WILL FIND ME because God says so. Because I can feel him reaffirming me of the plans that are yet to unfold. He keeps reminding me that His love for me is and will always be sustaining... and that all I have to do is to be still and embrace His will wholeheartedly. 

YOU WILL FIND ME and our lives will never be the same again. 

YOU WILL FIND ME. 

I know YOU WILL. :) <3

FROM MUNDANE TO EXTRAORDINARY :-)

Listening to music while I'm on my way to work has become a ritual to me. There are times (many times, actually) when I feel God is speaking to me through the songs I'm listening to every day. Earlier today while I was again doing my "daily ritual" and pondering on what food to eat since I could hear my tummy gurgling and demanding for something to gobble, my phone played this song from my OPM playlist:

SUNDO

by Imago

Kay tagal kong sinusuyod

ang buong mundo

Para hanapin,

para hanapin ka 

-- Well, I consider this song as an OPM classic already and there's nothing really special about it for me. I mean, I've been listening to this Imago song since it was released 9 years ago! You know that feeling when you do something over and over and over again that you already mastered how it should be done and you can effortlessly do it even with eyes closed? This is supposed to be just another song being randomly played in my phone but then, something changed earlier. It felt like it was the first time I've ever heard of it. It's as if the melody is moving like how my heart was beating during that time: slow yet steady. It's as if the words were freshly composed just for me. And then, the realization dawned on me: this is exactly what He wants me to understand now!

Nilibot ang distrito ng iyong lumbay

Pupulutin, pupulutin ka

-- I think during that moment, the Lord wants me to remember and keep in mind this simple fact: He pursued me before, is still pursuing me now and will always pursue me whatever happens and whatever it takes because I am His child. His beloved daughter. His awesome warrior princess. :-) (yep, I really want to include the word 'awesome' there :-D ) How many times have I heard this message in our community's teachings? During the talks in CLPs? During big conferences and events? Sometimes, words not turned into actions remain blurred and obscured. And at that very mundane moment I realized that there is really something extraordinary moving within me. That these were not just mere words. 

Asahan mong mula ngayon 

pag-ibig ko'y sayo...

Asahan mong mula ngayon 

pag-ibig ko'y sayo...

-- It is like He is assuring me that His love never fails. That for Him to be able to work in my life, I need to entrust Him everything. Every. Single. Thing. Sometimes, I'm wondering if I could still have that one big shot when it comes to love. I keep asking Him, "When will my time come? Why am I the one left behind? Why is it still an "unanswered prayer" when You said, "ask and you shall receive?". Questions that are never ending. Questions that will linger in your mind. Questions that will sometimes crush your spirit. Then, you'll become vulnerable to negative emotions and begin to doubt the road that you are now taking. Uncertainty will creep in and fear of the unknown will now begin to destroy the belief that there is a grand plan designed for you. I know the feeling. I've come across it and barely survived it a couple of times. But then, His love has always been there to save me, to redeem me, to pursue me, and to do these things over and over again. Every single day, He is making me feel more loved than before through my family, through my friends, through those strangers who would offer me their seats on a fully-loaded bus, through my colleagues, my students and many more!

Sa akin mo isabit ang pangarap mo

'Di kukulangin ang ibibigay...

Isuko ang kaba 

Tuluyan kang bumitaw

Ika'y manalig 

Manalig ka...

-- Here is the Lord, reminding me again to just trust Him. Listening to these verses, I felt my face break into a smile while some tears escape from my eyes. It is indeed through faith that one can continue to push further despite the worries brought by the unknown. I can hear Him saying, "Just have faith in me. I know what you need, and I want to give you much more than what you are asking me now. That's how much I love you." I can almost taste His words, it was like the taste of cheese melted perfectly on grilled sandwich. I want to inscribe it in the corners of my heart so that every time it doesn't want to be attuned to Him anymore, it will be reminded of a promise that is and will always remain true. 

Handa na sa liwanag mo... 

Sinuyod ang buong mundo...

Maghihintay sayong sundo...

-- Once, a speaker in a conference asked us this question, "If the Lord asks you, "Do you love me?", what will be your response?" I pondered on this thought and I finally realized that I can't love the Lord the way He loves me. I'm a sinner, I'm impatient, I'm a certified people-pleaser, I'm inconsistent, I'm indecisive, I'm too proud at times. I've got loads of imperfections and a very dark side but why am I always being pursued by the Lord? I guess the reason is very simple. Like a potter to a clay, He molded me and called me His own masterpiece. Like a shepherd to a lost sheep, He would always search for me and find me. And like a father to a child, He only wants the best for me because that's how much He loves me. The security and the joy that His love brings is and will always be enough for me to get up from the fall, move and try again. :-)

Asahan mo...

Asahan mo...

Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko'y sa'yo...

Asahan mo, ooh...

-- And as the song ends, I feel Him pulling me into a sweet, tight and warm embrace. The promise of a love that will not cease. And this is probably the only promise that is never going to be broken. <3 :-)



Check out the official music video of Sundo:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXiie1r4r-E

THE "Lolo Kiko" ENCOUNTER :)

The night before we went to Luneta, I was so restless...anxious even. I don't know if it's because of the book that I was reading (which proved to be very interesting) or the idea of my once-in-a-lifetime adventure the next day. As a result, I only slept for 2 hours, then I prepped up for Luneta. And my whole idea of standing in the rain will never be the same again. :-D

The crowd of hundreds of people making their way
to Quirino Grandstand as early as 3:00 AM Sunday.

People began flocking Luneta and other neighboring streets as early as 3 or maybe 4 in the morning. Actually, some of my other friends already stayed within the vicinity Saturday night. On Sunday morning, you could see people from all walks of life walking with you from Vito Cruz, which is one of the drop-off points, to the supposedly entrance area at Maria Orosa Street. When we finally reached our destination, we weren't able to get inside because the thick number of probably sleep and breakfast-deprived people have already crowded the area. Some people who were walking back from the entrance told us that we we're just wasting our time queuing the unbelievably long line because they (they're probably talking about the guards in the entrance) are just allowing people with IDs to get in. Later on, we learned that these people were volunteers and they would also need to get through that thick line of people in order to get inside. It got me thinking of the lack of and ineffective crowd control by the authorities. But much later on, I would realize that blaming the police force won't really change the situation because they, too, were physically and mentally exhausted. It was evident that they were greatly outnumbered by the crowd. One police officer who passed by our line even begged the people to let him through, citing the fact that they've been on call for four days. True enough, he looked like he could use some good food and sleep.

Sitting (and standing) very still. 
Test of patience and endurance. :D

Since there's nothing else we could do, we finally settled to wait, just like the probably thousands of people standing (some are sitting and sleeping) at Maria Orosa Street. I waited with my SFC friends. My family was there too, although they were on the other side and I couldn't go to them because it'd be a complete waste of time and energy and there's no way I could call them to know exactly where they are because of the disabled network signals.

We bought a huge plastic cover to
keep our heads from getting soaked.

I didn't have protection from the relentless rain, didn't have any food to eat (special thanks to my friends for sharing their baon with me :-) ), and to be honest, didn't have enough money to conveniently buy any food that I want from the fast-food restaurants surrounding the area. But, with the help and motivation of my friends, I stood my ground. I fought the cold, thought of the rain as a blessing, prayed every time I felt my knees and my mind were about to give in and continuously asked for His grace and mercy to just fall upon us. Not just to me and my friends but also to the millions of people waiting for the Pope who were also as tired and shivering and hungry as us.

I have seen hope in that place that I haven't seen from my fellowmen for a while, it's as if the whole place was glowing in much anticipation of the Pope's mass. If we can weather the storm and endure the cold, what else can we not do? That fact, as well as the beautiful verses and the gospel for that day, brought tears to my eyes and it somehow warmed my spirit.

People were increasing in number every minute (yes, as in literally) and there were a lot of pushing, shoving and growling in the crowd. But despite the heated arguments and endless extension of the arms of the people, there was an unspoken and invisible understanding engulfing each and everyone of us as to why we're so eager to do almost anything that day and that is to see and have a personal encounter with the Pontifex.

And so I waited. We waited. Hours and hours of what seemed to be waiting in vain. Hours and hours of pushing and shoving and heated arguments under the cold rain with other people who probably were also exhausted and hungry just like us. Just like me. There were moments when I just wanted to give up and go home. I wanted to tell my friends that we're just wasting our time chasing pavements here; that we could do better in the comforts of our house. We could still follow the events on TV, I thought. The cold wind and the light but steady outpour of rain while one is hungry, tired and sleepy could be powerful and tempting reasons to finally give in to the idea of going back home.

Despite being included in the not-to-bring list, people
still brought umbrellas which proved to be very useful yesterday.

Our effort was not wasted when we finally saw the popemobile passing by our area. The people who were in front of the line were frantic and shouting with joy. I only saw the top of his popemobile but the smile on my face was so wide I couldn't explain why I was that joyful. Probably, the thought of me and the Pope sharing the same plane of existence is already enough reason to be glad and to be filled with so much excitement that I can't help but reflect it in my smile. :-)

Finally, the mass has already started. Our group tried to enter the Grandstand and hoped to somehow see him even from afar. But our tired feet and legs and shaking bodies were speaking loudly to us that they couldn't go far anymore. So we just decided to find the nearest LED screen and stay in front of it as we prepared for the mass. When I looked around, people were beginning to convene in the stretch of Roxas Boulevard. The rain was still unstoppable but no one can stop the people from hearing the mass at that time. I was thinking, "Lord, these are your people who are willing to sacrifice and brave the storm just to hear Your message today through our beloved Pope. And I am one of them. Awesome!" :-)

While I stood there in the rain with only a scarf, a jacket (that my SFC ate lent me since I didn't have any at that time), and a plastic cover to protect myself from it, I finally understood what other people mean when they say the Filipino spirit is water-proof. I experienced that yesterday. I was soaking wet from head to toe, but I have seen my faith soaring higher than before, ignoring the chill.

"To be the salt of the earth and light to the world for You, Jesus..."
That song just kept playing in my head that time.

The parting words of Archbishop Soc Villegas captivated my heart. "Pope, you are our sunshine. You are our raincoat." It was so true that I was sure even the Pope felt it and was almost teary-eyed (though I swear I saw a tear running down his cheek and wiped it with his right hand). He listened very intently and he responded very warmly to the Filipinos. To us.

I would like to end this note with one of the many things Pope Francis shared with us during his visit here in the Philippines:

"If you lose the capacity to dream, then you lose the capacity to love." :)

Thank you Pope Francis for giving us hope, for filling our hearts with warm words and strong reminders of God's love for all of us. Thank you for encouraging us to always dream and to always hold on to it. Thank you for regarding the Filipinos as the missionaries of the light. Thank you for reminding us that love can indeed cast out all fears. It is our love for you that made us conquer the cold and the rain. Thank you for this unique and memorable Jesus experience. Thank you for bringing me closer to Him. :-) The real challenge here, I think, is applying what we have learned from you in our everyday lives. To still feel inspired to spread the good news and love more even after you've gone back home.

And, even though it's seems like it's impossible for you to read this note, I and my millions of countrymen are and will always be praying for you. God bless you, Pope Francis! Until next time, Lolo Kiko! :-)

PS: That song from the caption by the way is entitled Mission Ready. I just thought the song could sum up all the teachings Pope Francis shared with us during his visit. If you want to hear it, kindly visit this link:

http://www.sfcglobal.org/articles_details.aspx?id=270

THAT SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

I just remembered a scene from the movie Son of God where a weeping Mary ran on the side of her son moments after he stumbled down again with His cross. I saw and felt the pain through her eyes and wondered what it felt like seeing your child suffer and persecuted without doing anything wrong. Did she feel the need to stop all of that, to finally protect her son from all the pain caused by the very people whom He helped? Did she feel that mother's instinct to fight for her son, to keep him away from pain and suffering and offer her life instead? 

A scene from the movie Son of God

Perhaps she felt a hundred more emotions at that time. But then, all she did was to silently stare at her son without a word, and allowed the Roman soldiers to forcibly pull her up and push her aside. Above anyone else in that scene, only Mary showed the act of surrender... She was the only one who trusted God as she struggled to see her son slowly dying while carrying his cross. It was her who decided to still follow the path of Jesus to calvary. It was her who stood witness to Christ's suffering and passion for the people, and still obeyed God even though the situation was ripping her heart into pieces. 

And that, my dear friends, is a strong act of faith. Mary has showed how to be a true servant of the Lord despite all the trials, the darkness of the night, the meanness and rudeness of the world. All throughout her journey, her faith remained unshaken and was instead fortified by her love for God. :) 

A scene from the movie Son of God

Our Holy Mother had exemplified the true meaning of moving mountains with faith... Of trusting the Lord's plan and sticking with it...of serving the Lord with all humility and purity of heart. It may be hard for us to follow Mother Mary's example, but we can use it as our inspiration in becoming true servants of the Lord... Only fixing our eyes on Him and doing things not to the delight of our fellowmen but to further bring Him praise and glory. :)

LAST SUMMER, I GAVE YOU MY HEART :')

This year’s summer season may have been the busiest, most exhausting and most challenging summer I’ve ever experienced. For the past summers, I always make sure that I will have at least one beach get-away with my friends, but it never happened this year. Instead, I had been continuously tapped by the Lord to do His work. And to start it off, our chapter had assigned me to be the chapter servant for this year’s Christian Life Program for Singles for Christ.

I’ve been serving in CLPs since I became a member of this community 4 years ago but I’ve never felt nor experienced something like this. It was a brand new experience for me, another first! Why? It was my first time to serve as a chapter servant in a CLP, my first time not to handle any major role in an SFC activity, my very first time to give a CLP talk in our chapter (that was my most unforgettable talk yet :-) ), my first time to push my creativity to its limit, my first time to fully understand the mission and vision of our community, and also my first time to also grasp and embrace the true goal of the Christian Life Program: evangelize and renew people in Christ. A lot of firsts on my 4^th year as an SFC! Talk about blessings in abundance! :-)

But hey, it was not an easy feat. I've come to realize that even though you have a strong spirit in service, you still need to give your body ample time to rest. Your will to serve won’t have any bearing if your gas tank is near empty. An empowered heart burning with ardor in serving the Lord should be matched with a body sufficiently rested.

At those times, I felt that my tank was almost empty. Yes, I felt so much joy in serving Him during these times, but I also felt my physical strength slowly escaping me. Along with the task I needed to fulfill during our CLP, I was also struggling in my discernment about training as an MV. Then you also need to think about your family, your job, your messed-up body clock, how not to be late for work, the concerns of your household members and your chapter. Lots of problems were arising at that time and I felt the need to address them all but then I know I couldn't solve everything alone. I thought I could, but then one friend reminded me: “You are not a super hero.”

It is true that when we feel the Holy Spirit in our lives, when we learn to embrace it and allow it to take charge, our life will change. A full 360-degree turn around. Our spirit will be empowered. But then again, we are not super heroes! Even God took the seventh day as His rest day! I’ve realized that in order to sustain your passion, you must always make sure that your tank is always full. I’ve learned that the hard way.

I remembered feeling so tired and exhausted as we move into the third module of the CLP. At that time I asked the Lord to just give me a little time to finally rest my weary body. But since the CLP was still on-going, I couldn't really take getting a break while my other brothers and sisters continue to serve. And so again I asked the Lord to just let His will be done… just one weekend of rest… and I will be alright.

And so I waited. I prayed and I waited. True enough, a week after our Lord’s Day, He granted me an opportunity to go to Puerto Galera and experience the pilot of Crossroads weekend retreat. Very timely for my discernment! Not only that, I was also rewarded to savor the beautiful view of a perfectly calm lake accessorized with yachts and small boats --- a view that can be relished straight from our retreat house. The silent prayer hour that was also given to us was a big help for me to listen to His voice, and His message to me was perfectly clear: “I love you and I have great plans for you. Just allow me to embrace your weary heart and let me fight for you. Patience, my child, everything in my own perfect time.” Oh, if only my heart could leap from the inside out! :D

View from the retreat house of Immaculate Conception Parish, 
Puerto Galera, Oriental Mindoro

Friends, there are times when our burdens are too heavy to carry. There are times that problems are like drops of rain, they come in small and big drops, they pour continuously. There are times when it’s so hard to trust in His plan for us because the pain is just too much for us. There are more times when we question and doubt if He is really listening to our cries because it feels like He is slow to respond. For me, it’s alright to feel these things. It makes us human. But this is also the very reason why we need to keep on clinging to whatever bough of hope we can hold on. These are the moments when we need to remember how He remained faithful to us. These are the times when we need to be more faithful to Him. Everything in this life is always a test of faith… a test of our character as Christians… a test of our limitations as humans. Our heart and our strength may fail repeatedly. But just when we thought we have reached our limit, His abundant grace and love will start to fill you again. Until you become whole again. Until you become brand new. Faith is trusting and believing in His plan no matter how dark and uncertain the road is ahead of you. Always remember, His love sustains. Forever. :-)